bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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