I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
