pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
why is half of my head shaved?
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