I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
