Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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