I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
