I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
be right there i have to get my cape
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
