I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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