I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
