I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize