Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bring me that man meat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
