i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
