I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
