last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
