I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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