Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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