I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
