I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
