when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
