I just cut my nipple shaving
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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