P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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