Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
