i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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