So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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