He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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