dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i need some magic done to my vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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