god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
