it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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