I skipped work to stalk him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
