I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize