Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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