New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
