i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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