well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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