I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
