yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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