me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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