Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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