He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
