good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
