Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
