FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
