all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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