Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
