Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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