Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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