a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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