im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
