I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
