after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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