your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
