All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My ass is underappreciated
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
