ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
