I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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