U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
