I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
