I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The ass gains better be worth it
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