they need to just BURY HIM!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
