I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
