I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
