He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
