Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is the high leading the old right now
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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