That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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