Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
