I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
