You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
