do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
