I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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