I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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