I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize