Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
