maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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