i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
did you just send me my own nude
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
