Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Life is so much better after having sex.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
