Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
accomplished twins. life is a go
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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